Log in

(no subject)

« previous entry | next entry »
Apr. 14th, 2013 | 04:08 am

Well, I did go to the Everglades.

I did all the things I said I'd do. I made it to the Flamingo Visitors Center, which is on the Florida Bay near the western coast, allll the way at the end of the road. I saw an American crocodile in the wild, and while I didn't get to see it as close as I see alligators, that might be for the better. I ate at the cafe. I bought postcards. I walked the coastal trail. And I even rode a boat into the bay...the first time in years I've ridden a boat without getting seasick.

But wow, I totally overdid it. I forgot how long that drive is. I should've ponied up the extra money to take the turnpike, cause US 1 below I-95 is a long, painful, slow drive. On my way home, I had to keep slapping myself to stay awake.

I also managed to sunburn myself. I slathered it on when I got out of the car, but I made two mistakes. I forgot to put my hair up when I sprayed, so the sides of my neck are now quite red and sore. Second, I forgot to reapply after sweating during my hike. I always forget to reapply after getting wet. But there are no blisters, and only the neck is really painful, so overall I think I look worse than I feel.

I also just stayed awake and active too long. I pushed myself. My ankles and feet were killing me by the time I reached the end of the coastal trail, and then I had to walk all the way back. The upper 80's humid heat hadn't really gotten to me until then. By the time I hobbled back, I was limping, though still proud of myself. I also had a bitching dehydration headache. I can only carry so much water with me on a hike, and I needed more than I could carry.

Well, those are the choices one makes. Sometimes pain and accomplishment is better than sitting by and wishing I had tried.

While buying a drink at the marina store, I let the clerk talk me into a sunset boat ride, and spent the next two hours until the ride sitting in a shady area. I watched the crocodile for awhile as it sunned on the bank, and then watched it slither into the canal and disappear into the mangroves. It had the characteristically narrower snout than an alligator, as well as a lighter color and a somewhat differently shaped body. As it lay on the bank, it left its mouth wide open, just like one sees crocodiles do on television. Alligators usually leave their mouths shut. I know, this bores the shit out of most of you, but seeing new wildlife is an absolute thrill to me.

The boat ride was slightly disappointing. They promised dolphins, but no dolphins showed up. Still, I enjoyed the ride and got some lovely shots of ospreys on a nest. But at least I've seen wild bottlenose dolphins before, in St. Augustine. And I enjoyed the sunset and the spray of the sea and the wind in my face.

After the boat ride, I drove back through the dark Everglades, music blasting and a slim moon appearing. It was awesome. By the time I reached I95, though, I was falling asleep and slapping myself to stay awake. I finally staggered half-awake home and KNEW I would be sleeping a long time on Saturday. I underestimated just how long, however.

24 freaking hours. I went to bed at midnight and got up the next midnight. I was awake for maybe 1 of those hours, when a wonderful, wonderful thunderstorm blew right overhead and I could just lie in bed and listen to it. No constantly checking on radar. No driving. Just me, nestled in bed, listening to the rain on the window and the thunder booming.

But then I fell back asleep, growing more dehydrated and hungry and dreaming deeper into my subconscious until I finally woke up delirious and confused again. I know at some point I did get up and grab a granola bar because the wrapper was there, but I often wake up just enough to pee and grab something but not be fully aware. When I got up (at midnight) and turned on the light, my wrist hurt. I looked and there was a large welt - maybe whatever bit me finally brought me out of my stupor. There was blood on the sheets where my wrist had been, so...maybe I smooshed it? Maybe it left blood behind? I was pretty skeeved until I figured out the blood was probably related to the bite.

I must've had ten separate dreams or so, though I've forgotten much of the detail now. In the last dream, I was running for my life in a dark airport which was being attacked by terrorists. I notice I often have nightmares when my brain is trying to wake me up.

I've managed to eat and drink something (though not enough...I'll take care of that in a moment) and take my meds. I obviously missed my morning meds, which has me disappointed in myself. I also spent a good half hour sobbing. I still feel...sick. I'm trying to remind myself that this is just how things are...if I overdo myself, there will be consequences, and I have to expect that. And sometimes I'll underestimate those consequences.

Apply spoon theory here. Also, apply bipolar disorder here. Energy one day and dead the next.

I set alarms. I ignored all calls. I'm not sure what else I could do to stop the oversleeping, short of hiring people to stop by.

I'm going to eat some more and have more water. Then I'll write what I can remember of the dreams. One was particularly amazing.

Today I'll try to get some work done and maybe take a dip in the pool. I have no idea how I'll feel. I really have been up one day and down the next, emotionally. I still suspect the extra SSRI dosage has triggered the bipolar swings, and I'm just hoping it will settle down. But it would take at least another couple weeks. I'm still refraining from stressors and trying not to feel horrible about it.

Ok, ok enough writing.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {0}